I keep waking up and thinking it’s a nightmare, and then I go on Facebook and I realise it’s real.
(Fadumo Ali on murder of her brother who was stabbed to death in London on Sunday.)
***
This post isn’t about murder. Or sadness. Or violence.
I read the article on the tube last night on my way home from work, and I wondered how many people were as shocked by this sentence as I was. In some way, it beggars belief that in such a devastatingly sad situation, Facebook has become the default reality check for young people. It’s like the network acts as the support that previously would have been given to us by family, by friends, by rational analysis, by looking deep down within ourselves.
Mobile Garden at @punchcut (Photo credit: Joshua Kaufman)
I may be reading too much into this; but this seems to me to be the proof of a profound shift in the discourse on reality. And we’re not talking theoretical musings anymore, with marketers proving that kids use Facebook for checking out their friends; we know that well enough already. We’re talking death in the family, the most personal, tangible and inescapable pain one can experience. We’re talking the deepest emotions and needs being met by a technical construct that’s only a few years old. We’re talking a sister accepting and looking to social media for a confirmation of her brother’s death.
Social network = social reality.
As simple as that.
Tell me I’m not the only one saddened and scared by this. And then tell me you’re not part of this too. Because I know I am; and it has just become very disturbing.
On this topic…
- On pitfalls of being always connected (exploringpixie.wordpress.com)
- Tottenham house party stabbing victim Ibrahim Ali ‘came to UK to escape violence’ (standard.co.uk)
- Is Facebook Taking Over Our Lives..?? (theresacosgrovemarketing.wordpress.com)
I agree with you, but I see danger as well as positive impact. The problem with that kind of public interconnectivity is that people are very filtered in what they present to the public and how they respond to others or self publicly. In guarded or filtered ways because it is so public – which only gives a certain range of emotional feedback.
So in what way her reaction was filtered?
I totally agree with you on this. It’s a compelling topic both in terms of what we consider reality along with how this all changes our concept of privacy. In many ways, our social media presence is this separate entity, and that’s a fascinating cultural shift.
Exactly; and as long as it’s considered a separate entity, we’re safe. The moment social media become synonymous (in our minds) with connections, well, that’s the moment to truly worry.
That is disturbing Pixie, that for some, the balance between real life and virtual life (FB) has tipped in favor of the virtual.
Aye. And I know I’m at risk of that too, hence I heavily reduced my daily FB intake, and certainly the extent to which I share ‘myself’ there.
You are right, to a large degree,and it is scary. But so is kids having friends over to play video games instead of going to the park to play, and kids texting each other instead of picking up the phone and talking. Kids are fatter than ever, have less creativity than ever, fewer social skills and shorter attention spans than ever, and we wonder why? HELLO!
One could argue that social media skills are social skills by default. Also – I prefer texting to calling for most day-to-day activities and actually for some important stuff too, yet I don’t see myself as anti-social.
But of course, computerising everything is creating a false reality around us. I think it’s important to manage that in kids, so that at least they know there *is* another way to live. But we might be fighting a lost war.
I’m curious what about Facebook reminds her it’s real. The lack of his presence? The overwhelming condolences pouring in on her wall? on his wall? I wonder how she perceives the virtual mourning and condolence. Does she feel supported or alone?
One of the things that turns me off Facebook is birthdays. Pre-facebook, incoming birthday wishes were typically limited to family, a few close friends, and maybe the people you see everyday if you went around announcing your birthday was coming up. Now by default you get inundated by birthday wishes, more from people you haven’t talked to in years than those who would have wished you happy birthday without facebook. I can’t help but feel they are only wishing me happy birthday because facebook told them to. They aren’t wishing me a happy birthday. They are wishing friend of the day a happy birthday. All the wall posts in the world can’t make up for knowing someone effortfully reached out to you for a real connection.
Exactly. I assume it’s linked to some sort of tribute page.
I completely get the birthday issue too. I am guilty of wishing many people that too, unless I really don’t know them/ haven’t spoken for ages. It’s in your face, and quite difficult to ignore…
I’m not a big Facebook user, but relatives are. They find out about deaths, pregnancies, sex of babies … all things personal announced on Facebook. Truly, the death of a parent was learned on Facebook recently. I have a brother and sister who only know what is happening with their children by checking their Facebook pages. It’s frustrating, jarring, and sad.
This makes me feel like a bad person. I have definitely on occasion shared something on FB before I shared it with my husband; small things, like buying a new pair of shoes or having a good day at work. Hmm…
Big internal review is impending.
I don’t have a facebook account.
But in this case, it seems like they’re just seeing the reminders reminders on facebook,
I have less of a problem with facebook as online diary than I do with facebook’s policies.
Fair point; the policies certainly can make one think twice…
This is sad. It represents yet another reason why I don’t really use my personal FB profile. I merely post a few things on my public page but nothing of a personal nature. I don’t do much with FB, and nothing I’ve read yet has convinced me I need to do more.
Fair point; maybe we don’t need to do more. I think that links to one of your last posts about social media activity and why people do that, both the personal and professional/marketing reasons.
I am still on FB, but have limited my activity there quite significantly. Still, I am amazed at the sort of information people put out there, including good enough reasons to lose friends, jobs, spouses and be sued at the same time.
It is mind-boggling. I think it’s especially treacherous for younger kids who don’t yet see the potential consequences.
Absolutely. No matter how connected I am, I’m all for controlling kids’ access to the internet and especially social media. There is a time and a place for everything.
I’m so relieved neither one of my boys (age 12 and 15) has any interest in social media. They’re not on anything. The only thing they do on their computers is school work and pursue their hobbies (eg, my youngest and his magic interests). I still monitor what websites they visit and such, but what a relief for me not to have to worry about social media on top of it!
Wow. That is pretty unique these days; and certainly a relief! I don’t think I’ll be able to count on that in ten or fifteen years… but I’m already worrying about it.
I hate Facebook. lol I feel like out of all the social media platforms I use, Facebook is the absolute worst, yet somehow I can never delete it because I feel like…I don’t even know. Like I’m supposed to have one? Or I’ll be missing out on something somehow? It’s weird.
I read an article a while back about Facebook that I found interesting: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/features/23024-is-facebook-killing-our-souls
It doesn’t necessarily have much to do with this post, but it’s an interesting idea, nonetheless.
I accidentally linked to an excerpt of the article and not the full thing. Here you go in case you were interested: http://shanehipps.com/2011/11/is-facebook-killing-our-souls/
That’s a very interesting article, and so many points ring true (for example the idea of FB creating a specific brand of narcissism). Can we avoid though? I sometimes think we crossed the line already.